Do you remember the beginning of your relationship? Rapidly beating hearts, butterflies, every touch a thrill, every meeting an event. Your thoughts revolved around your partner. In short: infatuation. Have you slipped somehow, skipping or sliding into a marriage growing apart?
All couples move beyond infatuation. The rush of infatuation at the beginning of a relationship — your rapidly beating heart, butterflies, thrills — inevitably subsides. It’s simple biology: the hormonal ‘high’ you experience when falling in love is not sustainable. Building a marriage that lasts a lifetime is all about moving beyond these overwhelming passions and forming a stable relationship.
However, if you overshoot and move beyond passion altogether, then you will inevitably find yourself in a marriage growing apart. Finding a middle ground between ‘too hot’ and ‘too cold’ is not easy, but it’s the indispensable ingredient of a happy marriage.
Have Fun Reconnecting: A Good Fix for A Marriage Growing Apart
Being a couple is inherently risky, and one of the biggest risks is growing apart. With separate careers, work friends, talents and hobbies, it’s not surprising that many couples gradually slip apart, even developing separate lifestyles. The farther apart you grow from each other, the more you find your marriage growing apart, the more the process accelerates.
All is not lost though. If your marriage can grow apart by inertia, with some effort (and possibly some professional help), you can pull your relationship together. In my practice, I have been privileged to watch as hundreds of couples gradually saw the intimacy in their relationship building up and started having fun again.
That little word ‘fun’ is important to remember. Every marriage therapist when they meet a new couple warn them that improving a relationship is hard work. Too often they forget to tell them that, before too long, it’s also a lot of fun. Exploring the possibilities of a newly invigorated relationship, doing new things together, learning things about each other you did not know: all of these are fun.
Since your recreational activities and interests have likely changed since your initial courtship, it’s a good idea to start thinking about the activities that you want to do, and the activities that your spouse might like, and get started. In some cases, professional help can provide the spark that you need.
Is Your Marriage Growing Apart? When Should You Get Help?
You shouldn’t wait until you reach the ‘right’ level of distance before seeking help. The faster that you address the issues, the faster and easier it will be for your relationship to cover. If you know your relationship is heading in the wrong direction, it’s time to change it. For marriage counseling in Portland, MA, and online counseling in Maine and New Jersey, contact Dr. Dahlia Mann, MFT. Reach out today and find out if couples communications coaching can put your marriage back on track.